The Fear of a Thing

"I've just had an apostrophe." I am hands down terrified of a lot of things. I'm scared of snakes and spiders, large predatory animals, long free falls. I'm quite afraid of the miles of water below me as I swim and I'm not keen on getting lost in either a foreign country or a legit wilderness. I almost tremble with fear when a big failure seems inevitable. I even forbid myself to look stupid unintentionally. Really you could say I'm just a pansy. A good, old-fashioned pansy.

I think we're all scared, and it's not just of one or two things. We each have a list. Some things we don't realize are on the list. Some things once were not anywhere near the list but now cling to it greedily. I know this about you and you know this about me, without us really knowing each other. It's an assumption we make for all humanity because fear is a gigantic (that's right, bringing the original back) part of humanity. So why is it that we hide it?

For me, it's because I don't want to be thought weak. My opinion of myself says I should be able to do anything because so-and-so did it and he had no problem. That doesn't mean I WANT to do everything. I just like to know that I can, if required. But this has all had years to settle in my head, and the answer slowly coming to me is one I don't much like so far.

I am not invincible. I am not bulletproof. I don't have indestructible armor for skin, nor does my mind have a cool, objective view of what surrounds me. I am not what I pretend to be. I'm not perfect.

But I so want to be!

How do we deal with this? I say "we" because I know I'm not the only one with progress hindered by fear. It's a constant part of life, yet I ignore it and avoid it. But that doesn't make it disappear or blast it from existence. It's safe to say I think I'm safer when I don't think about my fear at all. If I never stopped thinking about snakes, I'd seriously be in a nut house, curled up on that little metal-frame bed in the corner. I wouldn't be able to do anything. Most fears are small enough that they give a push of adrenaline, which usually helps me get through pretty well. But the big ones? They can inspire enough terror to paralyze. People deal with this in three ways.

• First, they don't. They can't get a grip on it and so end up on that little metal-frame bed I mentioned earlier with someone constantly caring for them.
• Second, they forget it. At some point, if they can remember that at this very moment nothing is wrong and nothing can hurt them, there's a better chance that they'll focus on other things. And a lot of those other things are actually things they're pretty great at.
• Lastly, they face it. Think of this as the thrill-seeker option. For instance, I find sharks decently intimidating and horror-inspiring. But I absolutely love them, partly because they scare me. People feel a need to make weaknesses strong, and this is one way they can do so.

Let's talk a little more about that last one. Obviously, if you're mortified of heights, you're not going to book a skydiving gig for the next morning. It takes more than that. Here is a perfect moment to utilize the ever-popular phrase "knowledge is power". And it IS power! With my lovely shark fear, I watched documentaries. I not only made sure to learn how to deal with them face-to-face, but I learned about their anatomy. I learned which ones live where. Which are most/least dangerous. I essentially made them that celebrity you stalk who should probably be your best friend. I know them backward and forward without being one step nearer to them. And you know what? I admire them now. Knowing can be a wonderfully empowering feeling.

Maybe you won't come to admire the view from an airplane window or embrace the wide open spaces of prairie lands (I know, I'm getting into all sorts of old school vocabulary), but you WILL feel better! You will feel more control over your fear! You won't worry about it catching you unaware. Because you prepared yourself, you can move on and do something about what you love instead. And maybe you won't conquer that heart-thumping completely. Maybe you'll have to be like me–I watch scary movies to scare myself silly, so when the time comes to be scared I've already used the emotion up, then I simply face the battle, no fear raging. But the point is, there is life and discovery and achievement beyond fear. It's there waiting for you and me, if only we can hold on tight and worry about one thing at a time. Preferably the thing in front of us, not the one haunting the dark corners of our minds.

Awesome_